


these sweet instincts ruin my life

by erintoknow



Series: Aria-Rough Drafts [37]
Category: Fallen Hero Series - Malin Rydén, Fallen Hero: Rebirth (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Love Triangle, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-09 09:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20992226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erintoknow/pseuds/erintoknow
Summary: You hoped it wouldn't, but you knew this was coming. It doesn't make it hurt any less.Don't worry, there's good news! You've got one shot to fix it.





	these sweet instincts ruin my life

**Author's Note:**

> title from [[Impostor Syndrome by Sidney Gish]](https://sidneygish.bandcamp.com/track/impostor-syndrome-2)

“You were right, it does exist.” Mia Ochoa toys with the sealed envelope in her hand. “This is… and the DHS covered it up. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Jane’s smile is cold, “I’m sure you’ll figure out the missing pieces Ochoa. You’ve always been resourceful.”

“A complete regeneration device…” Ochoa’s voice is hushed, awed. “No stem cells needed, no cloning required. It’s miracle science.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Jane nods. “And who benefits by keeping it away from the public?

Ochoa frowns, then sighs and hands over the envelope. “They’re auctioning it off under The Boulevard Casino of all places.”

“That’s Hollow Ground territory.” Jane slips the envelope in her pocket.

“Exactly.” Ochoa nods. You don’t need telepathy to read the question on the woman’s face. How is government repossessed property showing up in a black market auction?

The ringing of Jane’s cellphone pulls her out of her head, a quick glance down at the number makes her heart skip a beat. “Excuse me, I need to take this. I’ll get back to you about arranging that interview with Adrestia.”

Ochoa sighs, “You better. We’re even now.”

Tight smile. “For now.” Jane gathers her things and waves goodbye to the reporter. Walking briskly away from the park bench she flips her phone open. “Julia! It’s good to hear from you again.” Try to keep the ice out of her voice. “Finally.”

Ortega’s voice is scratchy on the other end of the phone. “It’s good to hear you too, Jane.” There’s a pause. “Listen, are you busy right now?”

Jane tilts her head, slows her walking pace. “Just finished some work business. Why? What’s up?”

“Can we meet? Our usual coffee shop?”

A worm of anxiety turns in Jane’s gut. “Y–yeah? Sure. I’ll be right over. Give me like, twenty minutes, tops?”

“Great. I’ll meet you there.”

Three weeks with no Ortega at the training Dojo, no response to Jane’s calls, and now a call on today, of all days? You shouldn’t let it get to you. It’s just a coincidence. Don’t worry about it. Focus on the Regenerator instead. It _does_ exist. And it’s even within your reach. A device that provides full medical revitalization and regeneration. Black tech that had been seized by the government and its creator company’s assets frozen and shut down.

If you could get your hands on something like that, you wouldn’t have to try to topple the entire United States government. You could just… excise your tattoos. Maybe even do more than that. You could finally be free. Be yourself. Live your own life. Be with–

* * *

Ortega sighs, one hand on the back of her neck, the other holding her coffee. “Jane, we uh… we need to talk.”

Jane smiles up at Ortega as they exit the coffee shop together, “Sure Julia, what’s up?”

Ortega’s pace picks up, fast enough that Jane has to power walk to avoid falling behind. “Look, there’s… there’s no easy way to say this–”

You can feel Jane’s shoulders tense, the smile on her face become brittle. “Is everything okay? Do we need to reschedule our next date?”

“Jane…” Ortega stops, in her tracks, still not looking at Jane. “Please.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Look, I… I don’t think this is going to work out.”

No… Tightening her grip on her plastic coffee cup, Jane tries to step into Ortega’s field of view. “What? What isn’t going to work out? Julia, what are you talking about?”

“Jane. _Please_.”

“What?” Jane blinks, dread yawning open in her chest. She’s… she’s really doing this? Now? She has to do this right fucking now!? “Oh. Oh my god. You’re… you’re breaking up with me?”

“I’m sorry.”

Chest tight, throat tighter. A pain behind the eyes. “What– _why?_ I thought everything was going great?”

“I… I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” Ortega still won’t look at her. It’s maddening. Look at her, you coward. Look at the woman you’re breaking up with.

“Did I do something wrong? What did I mess up?” Why are you trying so hard? Isn’t this what you wanted? Ortega is interested in _you_, somehow. The real you. Not your puppet, not Jane. Sure, you can’t actually be with Ortega but… This is… this is supposed to be good right?

So why does Jane feel so awful?

“Jane, please. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Ortega’s voice is low, pained.

You can feel the tightness in Jane’s chest, the too-rapid breathing. “Then what? What is it? You vanish on me for three weeks and suddenly you ask me out for coffee so you can _dump me!?_”

“Look… Jane, it’s…”

“Oh.” Jane’s voice goes cold. “I get it.” She puts the edge to Ortega. “I was right all along, wasn’t I? That other woman.” Why are you doing this? There’s no need to make this into a show.

“Jane–”

“Your ‘old friend’ you _insisted_ there was nothing going on with.”

“I was telling the truth then.” She still won’t look at you – no, at Jane.

“And now?”

“That’s why we need to… stop doing this. I don’t want to lead you on.”

Jane stamps her foot against the ground, “Well good fucking job doing that, Julia Ortega!” Panic and tears give way to a tension all over Jane’s body, hands balling into fists. “How fucking noble of you! _Julia_!”

She finally turns to face Jane, a pained expression on her face. “Jane, Jane please. I just– I just want to be honest about this. I hope we can still be friends.”

“Honest my ass!” Jane throws her coffee against the ground, the cup bursting open and spilling across both their shoes. “_God_. I–I’m so _stupid_.”

“Jane…”

Jane slaps Ortega’s hand away, glaring at her through wet eyes. “Don’t touch me.” Jane keeps talking and it feels like you’re just along for the ride. “Don’t talk to me ever again Julia. I don’t want to see you. I– oh _fuck_.” She covers her face in her hands, fighting back tears.

Don’t wait for her response, don’t look at her face. It’s all you can do to hold Jane together, march her away fast before she does something you both regret.

Julia doesn’t call after her.

Just.. lets you – no lets Jane walk away.

This is… you need – Jane needs not to be alone right now. She slips a hand into her purse, roots around for her cellphone. Knows the number by heart. One, two, three, four rings. Come on woman, pick up the phone.

“Nnnyees? Who is this?” Sleepy voice. Late night?

“Mortum?”

The voice perks up, “Jane? Mon amie, how are you?”

“Like S–shit.”

“Are you alright, mon amie? What happened?”

“A–are you, uh– busy? Right now?”

“Right now…?” There’s a pause, some shuffling paper in the background, “Nothing that can’t wait. Do you need to come by?”

“_Please_.”

* * *

“Another glass.”

“Mon amie, I think you’ve had enough.”

“Don’t be homophobic.”

“…excuse me?”

“_Fuck_, Just give me the whole bottle.”

Dr. Mortum snatches the bottle away before Jane can reach for it, soft concern on her face.“Mon amie… you’ve had enough.”

Jane groans, tilting her head back to stare at the ceiling. Sprawled out on the chair without any pretense to dignity. “I– I can’t fucking _believe her_.”

“Heartache is always hard, but you’ll get through this.” Mortum spares the briefest glance over to the bank of computer screens on the far wall. If Jane were in a better mood this would be your chance to get a sense of what she’s working on. But –

“I f–fucking blew it. We could have– could have still worked it out but I… I panicked, I got so… _so mad_ at her.”

“Are you… going to be okay?” Mortum watches Jane carefully, bottle of wine still firmly between her hands. “With your boss?”

Jane makes a face. “With my boss?”

Eyebrows furrow together. “Weren’t you getting information on the Rangers from Charge for your Boss?”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” Jane clutches at the side of her head and screams. You can’t see Ortega as Ariadne. Not any more. She wants things from Ari that you can’t provide, can’t do, can’t be. It hurts like a dull knife but this is the only way to be safe. At least for now. Until you can get your hands on this regenerator thing.

You’d forgotten Julia had promised to end things with Jane. Had hoped she wouldn’t. But she stuck to her word. And now she was out of your life. Both of them. “Thanks for the reminder doc! Always cheering me up!!”

“Perhaps it’s time to resign?”

“It’s… not that simple.” Mortum is all you have left now. You can’t risk losing her too. The truth only ruins things.

“This… boss of yours, this woman,” Dr. Mortum gestures with a free hand, “She is a danger to you. She’ll burn out and everyone nearby will suffer with her.”

Jane sighs, rubs at her eyes smearing mascara. “You’re plenty happy to take her money.”

Dr. Mortum winces at that. “Actually… I’ve been thinking about it.”

You true to push Jane’s heartache down, Jane pulls herself up, frowning. “What does that mean?”

“I… am saying…” Mortum’s words are the slow pace of something with a lot of thought being spoken aloud for the first time. “I think it’s time that I… end my relationship with your employer.”

Jane’s heart freezes. “What.”

“I’ve… put a lot of thought into this, and It’s the best decision… for both of us.” A pained smile in Jane’s direction. “I’m asking you to quit too, with me.”

“I– I can’t.” Jane’s voice is tight, her hands digging into her arms.

Mortum puts the wine bottle down on a work table and steps over to put a hand on Jane’s shoulder. “Don’t mistake me for toothless, mon amie. I have been making… preparations.”

Nothing to crystalize your emotional state like cold panic. “Preparations?” Jane whispers. “Have you been sabotaging her equipment?”

“Not as such, I do have a reputation to maintain.” Dr. Mortum’s laugh is without humor. “But let us just say, if your boss thinks to come after me, she will regret it. Deeply.”

Jane avoids looking at Mortum, at the grim determination set on her face. Why is today the day where everything decides to fall apart? “Y–you’re serious.”

Dr. Mortum nods, her hand squeezes Jane’s shoulder. “I am. So, please Jane. I can protect you. I’ll make sure your boss doesn’t touch you.”

“I…” Jane takes a deep breath, finally brings herself to look up at Mortum, searching her face for any hint of a bluff. Mortum is serious. Probably not lying, you think. So. So the good doctor is going to be your enemy too, now? That’s… Jane already feels like shit, you don’t even know how to parse what she / you is feeling now. But if Mortum is going to pose a threat to you, this is your chance to find out what it is.

When you’re inevitably killed, it won’t because some self-important _lab tech _got the better of you.

Jane exhales, “Okay. I’m in.”

The relief on Mortum’s face is instant. “Thank you, mon amie. I promise you, we’ll get through this.” She lets go of Jane shoulder and walks over to the bank of computer monitors. “I’m still putting together the last steps of my contingency plan, and I was hoping you might help me with acquiring one last item.”

Jane gets up from her seat, stiff and fuzzy-headed from the alcohol. With a little work, she crosses the room to stand next to Dr. Mortum. “What am I looking at?”

Mortum nods her head, “These are plans for The Boulevard Casino.”

She has got to be fucking kidding you.

Jane chokes. “Wh–why do you have these?”

Mortum sighs, “You are aware I used to be a proper villain, yes?”

“Yes…” Jane nods, watching Dr. Mortum from the corner of her eye. “I made sure to do my research; you ran with Dr. Vitruvian, right?”

“Mm.” Mortum gestures with one hand and the screens blank, replaced with a rough sketch. “One of our inventions, the one that made me famous has turned up again.”

“..the disintegration ray? You lost it?”

Dr. Mortum tsks, “It was stolen from me. And now, some no good thief is putting it up for next auction at The Boulevard Casino. I’m going to steal it back.”

“You’re going to steal it?”

“Yes.”

“From under Hollow Ground’s nose?”

“I didn’t say it was a perfect plan.”

Jane pinches the bridge of her nose, rubs her forehead. “Why not just buy it?”

“And reward the ruffian that stole it?” Mortum bristles, glaring at the bank of computer screens. “And besides, this is a one-of-a-kind tool. It won’t go cheap.”

“One-of-a-kind? I thought it was just a gun?”

“Just a gun!?” Dr. Mortum glares at Jane for a moment before her expressions softens into a smile. “Oh, but mon amie, it’s so much more than a _mere_ disintegration ray.” She waves a hand and the schematic changes on the screen. This one is incomplete. “This is a prototype mobile teleportation device.”

A full minute of silence passes.

“What.” Jane asks.

“It can store items as pure quantum information and reconstitute it somewhere else.”

“…anything?”

“Anything.” The pride in the doctor’s voice is palpable. “Well,” her tone drops, “there are two caveats, what with this being a prototype.” She holds up a finger, “First is we never got to finish the receiving station. So for now items are merely stored on the gun, on the next firing. And second, storing patterns like that can result in degradation from quantum flux. Fortunately that only only really makes a problem for the most delicate goods and with…” Mortum coughs into her fist, “with people, and other living things.”

Jane looks at Mortum, wide-eyed. Is that horror or fascination you feel? “You used it on _people_?”

“Only on those that insisted on getting in my way.” The smile on her face is polite and cold. Some days it’s easy to forget Dr. Mortum is a criminal scientist working an illegal underground lab. Today isn’t one of them.

Jane shakes her head, “But I don’t understand, if that kind of thing is possible, why isn’t there tech like this everywhere by now? Why not just build a new gun?”

The smile on Mortum’s face melts. “I haven’t been able to replicate the prototype. Not yet.”

“I’m sorry,” Jane laughs, anxiety clawing up her sides. “Did you just admit to not being able to do something?”

“Don’t rub it in, mon amie.” She looks away, refusing to meet Jane’s eyes. “It was a different time of my life. And a… very particular partnership.”

“Mortum…?”

“So you see, Jane? I need to get the gun back, not just for nostalgia but so I can finish and replicate the prototype. My masterpiece work.”

Jane chews her lip, lets out a breath. “And it’s a trump card if Adrestia goes after us.”

“Exactly.” Mortum waves at the screens again and the go dark. “So, what do you think? I admit it’s been some time since I’ve been out in the field. Any advice?”

Jane puts her hands on the desk in front of her, trying to steady herself. “Honestly? I think you should just swallow your pride and buy it. It’s the safest and surest route.”

“But the gun is priceless.”

“Does anyone one else know what it does?”

There’s a pause from Dr. Mortum, a frown. “No. No one still alive, at any rate.”

“Mm, charming qualification there.” Jane arches an eyebrow. “So to everyone else there, it’s just a fancy gun. Nice, but not special.” Jane holds out a hand as Mortum bristles under the words. “I’m not saying it’s true, just what it looks like to anyone else. It might hurt your piggy bank, but you’re better off this way.”

“Perhaps you are right.” Dr. Mortum crosses her arms, head tilted in thought. “Would you join me for the auction? Two sets of eyes are always better than one.”

“Join you?” The breath catches in Jane’s throat. You can’t help Dr. Mortum as Jane and also steal the Regenerator as Adrestia. The amount of body hopping that would require is way too risky. “I’m sorry,” Jane shakes her head, “I can help you with everything else. But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Mortum’s eyes narrow in understanding. “Adrestia is attending isn’t she.”

“Just decided today, in fact.” Jane purses her lips. “Maybe we could have her steal it for us?” Jane glances at Mortum, “I wouldn’t tell her what it really was of course.”

The doctor frowns, raps fingers against the wooden desktop. “No. No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s too risky.”

“I’m sorry. I can help you with everything else; putting the funds together, scoping out the place ahead of time, emergency escape plans… but I don’t want to be anywhere near the place when Adrestia makes her move.”

“I understand.” Mortum sighs. “Well,” the smile returns to her face, “no time for the present is there? Let’s start planning.”

Jane’s laugh is shaky and broken. The emotional drain of the day taking its toll. “Let’s get to it then.”

You’ve lost Ortega. Maybe there’s a way you can play this crazy scheme so that you don’t lose Dr. Mortum. But first and foremost: Adrestia is going to this Auction, and by hook or by crook she is taking the regenerator.

Anything less is unacceptable.


End file.
